Hello my lovelies!!

How about we have a sit down, a cuppa and a chingwag?

Do tell me, how are you all? Apologies for yet another 3 week absence, I swear that these absences feel longer every time! So to catch you all up with life stuff, this last week I’ve been on a wonderful job with some truly lovely people and as much as my intentions were good to come home and write another blog, honestly? I was so tired, that food and bed won me over every time. However, I’m now getting better at not berating myself every time I don’t happen to fulfil a task on my imaginary to-do list (that’s normally down to the floor). I listened to my body and did what I needed to do.

Within the last month it’s safe to say there have been a couple of things that’s definitely put my anxiety to the test. The feeling that certain forces have been put on this Earth purely to test how you’ll cope. For those that are in the process of healing or starting your journey, have you felt that? Well that’s how things have been recently and I don’t want to jinx things, but so far things are in fact ok! If these forces are trying to grab hold of you once more, remember how strong you truly are. Believe me, you are.

If I’m being perfectly honest, yes during this time I’ve had a panic attack. But so far it’s only been the one. Normally I would have seen this as a step backward or a sign of weakness, but weirdly I’m feeling quite the opposite. It happened, I took control of it and although my body was exhausted for a time afterward I didn’t let it get the best of me. Now I cannot lie my friends, this is major progress.

Aside from that minor blip, I’ve been taking steps to get passed some of these testing moments that would have otherwise dragged me down, I like to call these “F—it, why not” moments.

It’s basically trying to be more open and more spontaneous to what’s out there and if you’re having a particularly good day you could be on a roll!  

So starting off small I started doing Yoga in the comfort of my own home! Yes, I know! Me! Yoga!Again, this is just something small but after one session I could already feel a massive change. During my healing process everyone around me recommended I try yoga. However at the time I was completely against it and couldn’t see how it could possibly help. It’s that’s scenario of wanting to and when you’re in a dark place sometimes the last thing you want to do is work out and meditate. It’s one of those rousing “I told you so” moments, yes I can hear you!

Here’s where I’m majorly proud of myself (I never say that I’m proud of myself, but here it comes!) I applied for not one job lately, but four!

Now to some this will probably not seem like a big deal. However rewinding back to January (of this year) the thought of even going online to just have a browse at jobs sent me into an instant panic attack with no warning, one that could have lasted up to an hour and wiped me out for the rest of the day. I had absolutely no confidence in myself or believed I had any sort of skills and basically thought I was useless and simply didn’t even see the point.

This is HUGE deal.

I digress. It’s not just the number of jobs I’ve applied for that matter, but I applied for jobs that aren’t even in this country! Believe me when I say, I would never have given these opportunities a second glance last year, January or even February let alone apply for them! Now I’m well aware that I may never get anywhere with these applications. That’s what is so thrilling about the “F—it, why not” moments, it’s about the process of spurring you on to make you happy to strive for other victories. These victories are personal to you.

If you’ve had a particularly bad day, week or even month remember lovelies I’m always here to talk and you can always drop me a line!

But if you wake up and think “F—it, why not” I’m going to do that (insert awesome achievement here) thing I’ve been thinking about for a while, then do it whilst you feel that way and you’re in the moment and just know I’m very proud of you!